a conversation

I said life is short
as if I tenderly cupped wisdom in my hand/
as if I had lived a life of loss and reckoning/
as if I was offering a cheese biscuit fresh from the oven &
She chortled, a guttural raven’s cough

She said whadda you know ‘bout life?
you ever felt warm blood pulse outta someone you love/
you ever had a man press himself on you uninvited/
you ever choke on someone else’s hate that you breathin’ &
I shrugged, letting the darkness shriek past me

I said everybody hurts
aren’t my unspilled tears dripping down my throat/
aren’t my hot furies setting fires in the night/
aren’t my slippery thoughts worthy of capturing in your basket &
She pulled close, squinting sharp 

She said when’s your belly ever gonna be full?
do you not see your children growin’ straight as aspens/
do you not sleep sound with rain spittin’ on your roof/
do you not speak knowin’ full well that ears gonna listen &
I pushed her reproach away, trapped in sadness

I said but I’m still so hungry
when did reaching for more need to seek balance with the world/
when did my heart push outside the safety of my rib cage/
when did I become afraid of being free &
She smiled faintly without her eyes joining

She said you ain’t got the stones for change 
you made your deal long ago on a green polyester chesterfield/
you got away on a calm ebb tide/
you all soft and warm and know what colour tea to make &
I lowered my eyes 

I said am I just a fool?
writing a story that only exists in my mind/
writing an ending free of pain/
writing a beginning that never comes &
She pinched my shoulder with her claws

She said do or don’t do, like your little green man say
ain’t no one stopping you/
ain’t nobody holding a boot on your pretty neck/
ain’t nothing but love spillin’ out everywhere you look &
I unfurled her black wings from my back and flew toward The Eye


*Artwork credit: a conversation, Alison Farrer

For another corvid-inspired story, read this piece.